羊吃什么

What Are Your Sheep Fed On?

戴 希

Dai Xi

南野养的羊又肥又大，数量多且品质优，南野发了大财，成了远近闻名的养羊专业户。

The sheep in the large flock raised by Southern Field were big, fat and fast-growing and provided tasty mutton, which enabled him to roll in money and become a well-known self-employed sheep raiser.

就有环保局的慕名而至。环保局的问南野羊吃什么。南野不以为然：“就吃青草呗。”环保局的声色俱厉：“羊吃青草影响绿化破坏生态环境这还得了!”南野一愣：“那可怎么办?”环保局的铁青着脸：“罚款吧南野?”南野又问要罚多少，环保局的回答：“要开收据6千不开收据3千。你自己选择。”南野不假思索：“那就3千元吧。”南野交了罚款，环保局的走人。

His fame brought the environmental protection bureau guys to his home. “What are your sheep fed on?” they asked. “Green grass,” Southern Field answered casually. “Isn’t that doing harm to the green project and damaging the ecological environment?” they admonished sternly. “What should I do?” a stunned Southern Field probed. “Pay a fine, Southern Field?” they suggested with grave faces. “How much ought the fine be in order to wrap this matter up?” Southern Field enquired again. “Six thousand yuan would come with a receipt and three thousand without a receipt. Your choice,” they replied. “The latter,” Southern Field said without thought. The environmental protection bureau guys went away after he handed in the fine.

林业局的闻风而来。林业局的问南野羊吃什么。南野想羊吃青草要罚款便说：“吃树叶啃皮呗。”林业局的拍案而起：“损树伤林阻挠林业生产，问题十分严重!”南野一惊：“那可怎么办?”林业局的紧绷着脸：“罚款吧南野?”南野又问要罚多少，林业局的回答：“要开收据8千，不开收据4千。你自己看吧。”南野搓搓手掌：“那就4千元吧。”南野交了罚款，林业局的转身。

The forestry bureau guys also came along after having gotten wind of this. “What are your sheep fed on?” they asked. Thinking that he would be fined if he said green grass, Southern Field replied that the sheep gnawed at tree leaves and barks. “Isn’t that damaging trees and doing harm to the afforestation project? This is a serious problem!” Slapping the table, they stood up. “What should I do?” a shocked Southern Field probed. “Pay a fine, Southern Field?” they suggested with leaden faces. “How much ought the fine be so that I am still left with a livelihood?” Southern Field enquiredagain. “Eight thousand yuan comes with a receipt and four thousand without one,” they answered. “Just look it over for yourself.” “The latter,” Southern Field responded, rubbing his palms. The forestry bureau guys turned around after he had handed in the fine.

畜牧局的接踵而至。畜牧局的问南野羊吃什么。南野想羊吃植物都要罚款，便说：“吃鸡鸭禽蛋呗。”畜牧局的勃然大怒：“南野你怎么不识时务?万一鸡染上禽流感，你的羊岂不传染禽流感?你的羊有禽流感岂不又传染给人?这可是人命关天的事，后果不堪设想!”南野慌了：“那可怎么办?”畜牧局的阴沉着脸：“罚款吧南野?”南野又问要罚多少，畜牧局的回答：“要开收据1万，不开收据5千。你自己想想。”南野拍拍脑门：“那就5千元吧。”南野交了罚款，畜牧局的返回。

The animal husbandry bureau guys were hot on their heels. “What are your sheep fed on?” they asked. Thinking that he would be fined if he said plants, Southern Field then replied that the sheep atethe eggs laid by hens, ducks and other birds. “Southern Field, why don’t you know what is good for you?” They hit the roof. “Now the bird flu is raging and even the air is crackling. If the chickens, ducks and birds had the flu, wouldn’t your sheep be infected? If your sheep were infected, wouldn’t people get infected? This is a matter of life and death and the aftermath is unimaginable!” “What should I do?” Southern Field panicked. “Pay a fine, Southern Field?” they suggested with cloudy faces. “How much ought the fine be to cover up this business properly?” Southern Field enquired again. “Ten thousand yuan would come with a receipt and five thousand without one,” they answered. “Just think it over.” “The latter.” Southern Field patted his temple. The animal husbandry bureau guys went back after he had handed over the fine.

卫生局的匆匆而来。卫生局的问南野羊吃什么。南野想羊吃自然天成的要罚款，就说：“人工饲料呗。”卫生局的义愤填膺：“饲料中有激素，羊吃激素羊肉里就有激素，羊肉里有激素人吃了就生病，危害人民健康。你这不是坑人利己吗?好你个南野!”南野一急：“那可怎么办?”卫生局的冷冰着脸：“罚款吧南野!”南野又问要罚多少，卫生局的回答：“要开收据1万2，不开收据6千。你自己说说。”南野欠下身子：“那就6千元吧。”南野交了罚款，卫生局的凯旋。

The health bureau guys came at full blast. “What are your sheep fed on?” they asked. Thinking that he would be fined if he said natural feed, he then replied processed feed. “There are hormones in the processed feed and they will be left in the mutton after the sheep have eaten them,” they protested in indignation. “People will get sick and their health will fail if they have eaten mutton like that. Aren’t you doing harm to others in order to gain benefits for yourself, Southern Field?” “What should I do?” Southern Field was on a knife-edge. “Pay a fine, Southern Field!” they suggested with icy faces. “How much ought the fine be so that one side of the net will be left open?” Southern Field enquired. “Twelve thousand yuan would come with a receipt and six thousand goes without one. Just spit out your choice,” they answered. “The latter.” Southern Field made a slight bow. The health bureau guys returned triumphantly after he handed over the fine.

技术监督局的大驾光临。技术监督局的问南野羊吃什么。南野想羊吃自然天成的要罚款，羊吃人工生产的也要罚款，南野就眨眨眼笑一笑：“我真不知我的羊吃什么。”技术监督局的诧异不已哭笑不得：“那你的羊干吗养得又肥又大，长得又快又好?”技术监督局的又郑重其事提醒南野：“不说实话不讲真情我们要立马关闭你的养羊场!你考虑清楚!”南野依然眨眨眼笑一笑：“羊想吃啥吃啥爱吃啥吃啥，我每天只给羊吃东西的钱，羊自己到外面去买，我还真不知我的羊都吃了什么怎么吃的吃了多少!”技术监督局的木了……

The technical supervision bureau guys descended on Southern Field’s humble house. “What are your sheep fed on?” they asked. Thinking that he would be fined if he named anything either natural or artificial, Southern Field, blinking and smiling, replied, “Sorry, I don’t know.” Surprised, they didn’t know whether to cry or guffaw. “Then how can your sheep be so fat and so big and grow so fast like this?” Next they reminded Southern Field seriously that they would immediately shut down the sheep farm if he didn’t tell them the truth and told him to think carefully about it. Still blinking and smiling, Southern Field replied, “My sheep eat whatever they like. Every day I just give them the money and ask them to help themselves. I really don’t know what, how and how much they have eaten!” The technical supervision bureau guys stood there immovable as wood …